Do You Remember Rock and Roll Radio?
an imaginary interview


Lowry Mays, founder and CEO of Clear Channel Entertainment, is one of the most powerful men in music, though his name and face may not be known to you.

He’s a big, rich Texan, a good old boy, but this Texan didn’t get rich off sweetheart oil contracts or self-imposed energy crises--nay, he made his fortune through the deregulation of the radio, and buying up a healthy interest in concert venues and advertising to round out his unparalleled holdings in radio. At last count, he owns over 1,300 radio stations, 700,000 billboard displays, and sold 75 million concert tickets to Clear Channel run or sponsored shows last year. The tide may be a-turning, though. Last week, Clear Channel fired two top executives after a New York state investigation found them to have engaged in the illegal, lucrative practice of payola—labels bribing radio programmers to add their big artists to station playlists. More indictments are expected from the Spitzer investigation, and the big boys are starting to sweat.

I sat down with Mr. Mays in the comfort of my mind, and these were the fictional things we said—

Mr. Mays, Fortune Magazine called Clear Channel “one of the most successful stocks of the ‘90’s”. Might I say—huzzah, sir.
Thank you.

What would you say was the single biggest factor in Clear Channel’s rise to power— strong-arming artists into playing only Clear Channel owned venues, forcing record labels to pay to get their artists played on your stations, or squeezing out your competition with the help of close friends in office?
I mean, why choose one? Ha! Ha ha!

In particular though, is there any one thing that sticks out in your head?
Well, the Telecommunications Act sure tickled my underside! That thing let me go hog wild, buy up a whole buttload of radio stations. I just had myself a field day. Less regulation equals less competition equals more stations for big daddy. It’s just a big game, son.

You’re sure good at it. Who’s better—the car, the thimble, or the battleship?
I prefer the cannon. (thinks) Hey, wait a second--

The FCC recently passed a measure which would allow for single owners even more power within a particular market. Unfortunately, the House reversed the FCC’s decision, keeping ownership regulations in place. Bummer, huh?
Bummer? (thinks) No, I don’t think so. I haven’t done that since prep school.

After 9-11, you provided Clear Channel stations with a list of songs that were not to be played in light of recent events. Why did you include in that list John Lennon’s “Imagine”?
Are you slow, boy? “Imagine no possessions”?

Yes, but don’t you think a song of tolerance and peace could have helped people through a difficult time?
Listen, I don’t have to justify myself to you. It’s like Gandhi said: “What’s right isn’t always popular, and what’s popular isn’t always right”.

What? I don’t know quite what to say. If you’re Gandhi, would that make Lennon the British imperialists?
You figure out the metaphors, college boy.

Fair enough, but following this theme of blacklisting, isn’t it true that after their anti-Bush comments, you banned the Dixie Chicks from all Clear Channel stations?
You bet your skinny ass! You don’t mess with Texas, and you don’t mess with Dubya.
(At this point, Mr. Mays takes an antique six-shooter from the coffee table and fires it repeatedly into the ceiling, raining down dust and plaster on our heads.)

That’s right, I had forgotten that you and the President are friends.
Oh sure! Me and the Blackout Kid, we go way back.

That’s fine, but don’t you think it sets a dangerous precedent to lash out at artists for voicing a contrary opinion?
It’s a free country, son.

Exactly!
Yes, exactly.

That’s what I’m saying.
That’s what I’m saying too.
(There is about a minute and a half of silence, after which Mr. Mays makes 3 phone calls. From what I can infer, he purchases an adult-contemporary station in Jacksonville, a classic rock station in Hartford, and the Beatles back catalogue.)
Sorry about that. I’m back now.

I’m confused, Mr. Mays—are you saying that the Dixie Chicks are free to say what they want?
Sure! And if I don’t like what they say, I’m free to put my boot up their asses.

But to control so many media outlets, and to use those outlets to put forth the specific agenda of a president with whom you have a close, personal friendship?
What’s wrong with that?

Kind of reeks of fascism, doesn’t it?
Why are you so insistent on labels? Can’t we just let it be?

Did you just quote John Lennon?
God bless America!

Steve Miller said in a recent interview, “[Clear Channel’s] lack of a sense of humanity is shocking.” How would you respond to that?
Hyoo-ma-nitee?

There have been allegations that the practice of pay-for-play programming, though illegal, is still alive and well at Clear Channel stations. Is there any truth to the allegations?
I don’t know what you’re talking about. Our programmers receive money only from independent record promoters.

Yes, but those promoters get that money from the record companies! It’s still payola, only now there’s a middle man!
Now you’re getting bogged down in semantics. Let’s stop splitting hairs, and get to the real issue here: I really, really love making money! And if I can get money from advertisers and the record companies? Boy, now you’d think I was slow if I said no to that!

But the reason payola was outlawed in the first place was that it made it virtually impossible for new artists to break on the radio. The only acts that could afford the payola would be older, established acts with millions of dollars in record company money behind them.
So?

So the music must suffer then, by definition! If new artists can’t get exposure on the radio, and the same tired acts are endlessly rotated on every Clear Channel station in the fucking union—
Actually, I own stations in 65 countries.

Whatever! The point is that this system promotes homogeneity! Thousands of stations playing the same hundred songs! By its very essence, it must be a static system, because new acts can’t afford to break, and established artists have no competition. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer!
(chuckles) Welcome to Texas, boy.

So you don’t care that Clear Channel is directly contributing to the decline of American music?
Who said the radio had anything to do with music?
(At this point, there is a clap of thunder outside, and Mays’ eyes widen fiendishly)
Mwah-hah-hah-hah!!! Mwah-hah-hah-hah!!!



Fuck Clear Channel. Fuck Lowry Mays, the FCC, payola, King George the Second, deregulation, the Republican party, and the state of Texas. But most of all, fuck Clear Channel. As Conor Oberst recently said, “If there’s anyone who cares about music as an art form, now’s the time to make a change. There will be no more real music anymore if we keep letting people shove it down our fucking throats.” But what can I do, you ask? Well, Clear Channel loves to espouse the virtues of pure capitalism, so why can’t we play their game? They offer us product--radio stations (in New York, Q104.3, Z100, and Power 105), and concerts (they own Irving Plaza, the Beacon, and the Roseland)—and we have the absolute, sovereign fucking right to boycott that product. Starve them. If you don’t want to go that far (you really want to see Echo & the Bunnymen at Irving next month), it’s enough just to fight the deregulation of radio ownership laws. Write your Congressmen. Tell them you support Sen. Russell Feingold’s Competition in Radio and Concert Industries Act. There is hope, and it looks like Clear Channel can be toppled, but you can’t sit by, can’t let them shove this tripe down our throats. Regardless of what they might tell you, we do have significant power. Use it. Fuck Clear Channel.